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I thought that I loved you I thought that I cared that was before you stabbed me underneath the stairs and as I lie here bleeding as I lie in a pool of my blood I wonder why I thought I knew everything when I obviously do not I don't know anything at all and I'm not about to start when I meet St. Peter he'll think I was such a fool he'll say idiots like you can't get in it's a brand new rule and as you walk away to your secret hiding place with some of my vital organs that you intend to sell I don't know anything at all and I'm not about to start
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My mother the spy she doesn't really love me my mother the spy she's got a private eye on me she likes to play with CIA she's in a tree kissing the KGB she's got some explaining to do to me my phone line is tapped and bugs are all over my room my friends have disappeared and I'm afraid she'll turn me in soon she must know that I know there's nowhere I can go in a time bomb I live because Mom's a detective my father is giving her clues my girlfriend is in on it too she's got some explaining to do to me I'd better be good I'd better not cry I'd better be good I'm telling you why
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Outside I can hear the cry weasels and tangerines step right up and don't be shy elephants and pralines marching through the street hurling food and sweets the Animal Parade out my window I can spy peacocks and pineapples all my friends have in their hands owls and caramels bears on rolling spheres throwing pies and pears the Animal Parade but I was so bad and Mommy won't allow me she says she won't allow me to see the Lizard band and dance to lizard music and dance with the iguanas all I want it to dance with the iquanas I wish I could go outside I'm chained up in my room how I long to pet their hides donkeys and kangaroos marching through the street hurling food and sweets of all kinds the Animal Parade
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I'm beside myself and I'm thinking about elves are all around us I think I see one now was it something that I did? or was it something that I said to make me special? I think I see one now I'm not the only one who can see them I'm sure I'm just the only one that I know who can was it something that I learned? or was it something that I wished and then it came true? I think I see one now and this elf she can see me too and she's smiling maybe I'm something new to her too I'm the closest she's ever been to humankind and she's the closest I've ever been to elfenkind my friends can't see her and her friends can't see me I'm sure they'd say we look cute together if they could just see us together was it something that I did? or was it something that I said to make me special? I think I'm seeing one now
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Help me you know I already can hear you cry in terror as though you still don't believe me I've done all that I can my super powers notwithstanding baby you really knew how to laugh but now it's time to weep as the Dangerous Lobster creeps up to you I talked to the Lemon Rhino just a day or two ago he referred me to Black Sparrow who assured me that it's too late and there's nothing now we can do baby we were just too good to last and so we'll be put to sleep once the Dangerous Lobster creeps up to us listen I want to decide who lives and who dies you should have known in the course of this horrible dinner that dinner would serve justice I warned you and I don't suppose that you expect me to find a way out of this mess baby you really knew how to laugh but now it's time to weep as the Dangerous Lobster creeps closer
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I want to ride the Gravitron waiting to ride the Gravitron I don't care if it makes me sick I don't care if it looks poorly put together
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This perfect girl with a perfect quirk inside she found a perfect guy not to let out of her sight she wanted everlasting love and she was used to getting what she wants her dentist kept her secret well she knew how to hide her tooth full of cyanide he would have cried but they were cuddling when they died she wanted everlasting love in particular in the afterlife she wanted to make out on Number 9 this perfect girl with a perfect quirk inside knew when to bite her tooth full of cyanide and if you want an everlasting love too you should take your cue from her who says you can't take it with? you can take it with you
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Finally my delivery I checked the mail every day to see if it has gotten here please sign on the sign it's shaking and making noises this end up stamped upside down stick around and see what I pull out of this package you won't believe this kind of thing even exists upon this Earth it's really kind of frightening the postman my he looked pale tipped his hat and disappeared I swear he must have some idea I saved up a year's allowance I sold my comic collection I think you'll think it's way too much but stick around and see underneath the styrofoam peanuts you won't believe this kind of thing is legal to ship through the mail isn't it kind of frightening please don't cry
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On the way to Burgundy Lake comes music from the marshes closer still until you can hear the shuffling claws and half shells the Sad Turtle Waltz is piping out chandeliers come swinging down and sad turtles waltz without a thought to life beyond the pond spinning themselves around a will-o-wisp hides the full moon tonight and grasshoppers serve refreshments fireflies sigh in circles of light mesmerized by the movements the Sad Turtle Waltz is piping out chandeliers come swinging down and sad turtles waltz without a thought to life beyond the pond spinning themselves around have no fear the turtles are here have no fear my darling of the turtles on the way to Burgundy Lake the animals are dancing in 3/4 time with tears in their eyes the sad sad turtles are waltzing
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I've no emotions I never feel them coming on laugh or cry it's just a bat of my eye and I'm telling you why I'm the boy without a soul I'll lie in bed even if you join me there you're in the lair of the emptiest stare well how can I care if you cannot move me soul it follows I'm hollow so tell me do you swallow I'm willing I'm able I'm crawling on the table haven't you seen a boy before without a soul if you would hold me I don't suppose I will complain my love and hate have gone the way of the plague I've mistaken the pain I'm the boy without a soul you're such an angel why are you wasting time with me I've decided never ever to die well how can I die if I cannot give up my soul these days are a trial I'm an alien in denial my id and my ego are falling out a trap door am I somewhere in the middle of a nightmare
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11. |
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I've got a hungry tiger and I'm gonna set him loose on you
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The creatures in my pantry stirring in my pantry making their plans stirring in my pantry until the night comes and when I tuck myself away they all come out to play spin the tail and pin the bottle when they get outside they'll dig up the yard cart me out back and bury my bones when I try to go to sleep I'm always counting creeps the creatures in my pantry are up to no good
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I know this could be much better I know this does not quite impress you I do want to impress you more than I do know how to do maybe I should find somebody else I notice you like to laugh and I notice you like to tie your shoes with who's in love with you suddenly I find I can't tie mine maybe I should find somebody else I feel like my smile annoys you I feel like I skating on thin ice and twice I fallen through and I should not expect you to help me if I'm really that clumsy and why do I try to catch you while I'm busy falling through again maybe I should find somebody else
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Chris's pet dinosaur acts like no other herbivore I see him taking it for a walk Chris's pet dinosaur sure can growl it sure can roar but he says it only eats leaves and shrubs I'm scared of his dinosaur and I'm trying to shut the door I hate it when he brings it by Chris's pet dinosaur I don't wanna see it no more now he's taking it for a walk
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I've got a million reasons why I've got to get back home up there in the sky back to Satellite City I gave your planet just a try it's really nice and all but it's not my style back to Satellite City I'll take you with me to the sky I'm so in love with you buy I don't know why
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Eyeliner on Egyptian pharaoh I'm so sorry I was grave robbing creeping death is alive and I should know I've been so bad now I'm gravely sorry well I sold both the hands to the one-armed man and I got all the jewelry off my hands Mummy are you coming oh Mummy I've got nothing oh Mummy please don't murder me what in the world would make you stay away? what in the world would keep you far at bay? eyeliner on Egyptian pharaoh I'm so sorry I was grave robbing creeping death is alive and I should know I've been so bad now I've gravely sorry the police report on the one-armed man it said that he had been strangled by his own hand Mummy I can see my Mommy can't protect me from the mummy's curse you've placed on me what in the world would make you stay away? what in the world could keep you far at bay? oh no here he comes
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You bring the candles I'll bring the rope you bring the handcuffs I'll bring the goat I'll show you what being a pal is all about this is what being a pal is all about you bring the dagger I'll bring the cloak you bring the Kool-Aid I'll bring the soap I'll show you what being a pal is all about this is what being a pal is all about and we'll all meet at the graveyard site on Saturday after moon and we'll all keep our little secret tight on Saturday after moon you bring the chalice I'll bring raccoons you do the voodoo I'll cast the runes don't tell a soul what we're gonna do or I'll hafta put a hex on you and we'll all have a little ritual fun on Saturday after moon and we'll all dance around and drink a little blood on Saturday after moon
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Lazy Eye died yesterday almost Lazy Eye believes he saw the ghost of Hank Williams are you listening Mr. Living? he ran as the spirit sang during the refrain "There's no cow tipping on Hank's farm" Lazy Eye why are you packing heat? Lazy Eye are you afraid you'll be torn apart by cats? move it on over scratch it on over buy always remember to wear your Second Chance Vest
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The stockings are hung by the chimney with care on this holiday time of year and it is my job to be everywhere on this holiday time of year I'll fall through your ceiling or come through your door I want to leave presents all over your floor why don't you bake me cookies anymore? don't tell me you don't love me anymore a nightmare of you not believing I'm true is tearing my poor heart in two you think you're so smart and you know everything on this holiday time of year you're such a little punk you shouldn't get anything on this holiday time of year how can I be jolly is it such a crime if I want you to sit on my lap one more time? why don't you bake me cookies anymore? don't tell me you don't love me anymore a nightmare of you not believing I'm true is tearing my poor heart in two
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My Candygirl rocks when she gets into a hummable mood she's got the sweetest disposition and a really kinky attitude my Candygirl rocks and I'm finding it hard to believe she's got me in the arm of her sleeve oh ho my Candygirl rocks she's a sugar cherry up in the clouds she holds an electric guitar and flings the candy notes all around my Candygirl rocks and I'm finding it hard to keep time when she's blowing me bubbles of apple and lime
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Cooking in the summer heat my camel looks lonely fire hydrant by his side his thoughts turn to love and I don't know where to begin to find him a bride and so the well will do for now tonight he sleeps with his security folks from all around flock to the zoo to see Humpy as he mounts the water spout parents with red races try to explain to their kids what that's all about and so I hide behind the fence tonight he sleeps with his security
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Have you seen my old friends from Hillside High? have they all left their hometown I wonder why here I sit alone in the Avalon is that Dylan with my milkshake no it isn't him at all Ashley did you miss Matt and run away? Chris did you and Roxanne start a little family? here I sit alone in the Avalon in the booth where Dave would improvise gazing into Russ's eyes too young to drive too old to cry I'm staring at an empty screen there's nothing on I want to see because I'm only fifteen
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I keep thinking it was Thursday when I went for a spin I was having the shakes and shivers again my direction swam right out of my head and I skidded right down to Third Street where my heart skips a beat and the traffic light is a Christmas tree the star flashes and my car crashes it's just another cookie in the game it's visiting hour in the hospital ward the ninth floor window open easily and no one came today to check on me and see me tumble right down to Third Street where my heart skips a beat and the traffic light is a Christmas tree my fall breaks and then my head aches it's just another cookie in the game
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I've got carrots on the mind now I have them all the time and if you have to ask why is that the best you can do with a straight face? I love to sketch this vegetable I love to reach into your skull you've been a naughty girl would you like to explain what I've found oh carrots in lace? I guess I'm not that surprised I remember your silk eyes do you think I'll keep your secret maybe I do too if you'll give me something tasty that came out of you oranges have funny shapes and yellow fruit makes my heart race so don't you think I've acquired strange tastes and fascinations give me more pineapple juice if you want me to let loose and let's be cannibals I really believe that I've got an oral fixation you've got a lovely set of sticks that you've trained to perform tricks will I won't I keep you're secret maybe I want you and a bunch of tasty carrots definitely I do
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I hope that I can sleep this Christmas sleep is all I want for Christmas I need jingle bells like a ringing in my ears and on Christmas morning I want to dream I hope that I can spend the holidays dancing with the sugar plum fairies St. Nicholas is keen but the Sandman is for me and I'll settle for a long winter slumber goodness me what's that clatter shaking my bed? whistling icy chilled winds sound so shrill and it gives me to know I have something to dread that my stocking is filled with insomnia still the children are so hopeful and gay buy my eyes are red and my hair has gone grey the star on the tree flashes mesmerizingly but on Christmas morning I want to dream
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I'm taking hostages so you will notice me I'm taking hostages you will notice me I'm taking hostages so that I'll be on TV don't forget to watch the news tonight and be sure to tell my folks I'm sure that Mom and Dad will be so glad that they can be on talk shows complaining I'm a horrible son and there ain't no way that they are responsible for their horrible son gone fruitcake and waving a gun I've got a bomb strapped to my chest that I can't diffuse I'm in a grade school full of children under age two don't forget to watch the news tonight and be sure to tell my folks I'm sure that Mom and Dad will be so glad that they can be on talk shows complaining I'm a horrible son and there ain't no way that they are responsible for their horrible son gone fruitcake and waving a gun there's nothing really wrong with me I've never ever worked for a postal agency but I'm gonna be a star even if I have to be a shooting star I'm making a mess and ladies have begun to scream I'm having a fine time I wish you were here with me
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I got a postcard from Djibouti wherever Djibouti is it said "Peter please come here we need you" so I'm packing my bags of pickled peppers goodbye pets I understand you need me too someone must be here to feed you I'll leave coupons and extra money I'll leave you the extra house keys they called me and not the Pope I must be their only hope oh no Black Sparrow don't you cry please Lemon Rhino don't bay I'll try to be back by Sunday I'm trying to make a difference in this fantasy world well what are heroes for but for that?
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Let me tell you how it is here on the tack board with a pin stuck in my abdomen once the king of butterflies and once the prize of child's eyes now a dead specimen back home they don't want to know me now they say I am an embarrassment and I am not really a very good example back home there's a flower full of nectar and a new monarch on the throne and I guess I should have known sometimes lovely colors can cause you not to notice that you've flown into a trap all that's pollen isn't gold and something I was often told is don't ever forget to watch your back home they don't want to know me now they say I am an embarrassment and I am not really a very good example back home there's a flower full of nectar and a new monarch on the throne and I guess I should have known
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From up in a tower looking far below. I thought I should see you, but where did you go? I thought I could dream about you, but I guess that I thought wrong. I thought you would free me from the witch, but you never came along. Princess Charming never rode by. A prince with a spindle and the fate of a fool, spinning my fortune out of this sad spool. It's useless to be this handsome if kisses won't awake me. I'm watching my hair as it winds down, maybe just in case Princess Charming ever rides by.
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Recorded 1994-1995 at the University of Texas Austin on four track cassette, this was Blue Peter Schnitzel's third full length release. Lots of songs about animals and food and Christmas. Princess Charming added as a bonus from the 1996 "Best of" cassette.
released January 25, 1995
All songs and production by Christopher Daniello, 1994-1995 Fierce Pancake Productions. Guest vocalists James O'Donnell and Ryan Phelps. Carrie Carter keyboard on "Fifteen Remembered"
